Fish fest

I ate fish!1

Previously, I have been equal measures afraid of and disgusted by seafood.2

The only thing I liked less than fish generally was mexican walking fish, specifically.3

For example.

friend: i have made this delicious pasta for us to eat together!
me: what is that can you are opening? is it SPAM?
friend: no, it is tuna.
me: aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggh. fish!
friend: but it's tuna!
me: and what is tuna?
friend: a fish?
me: yes. a fish.

And then I would insist on a separate portion of whatever it was, unpoluted by fish.

Also, I hated fish, in general, not just to eat.

friend: that's a picture of fish on that mug you're drinking out of there!
me: aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggh.fish!
friend: ha!

friend: look at the precious golden carp in the picturesque water feature right next to where we are sitting, eating! it's fins are rotting and it's eyes are all googley.
me: aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggh.fish!
friend: ha!

friend: yes we have no fish in the tank at the moment. they've all EATEN EACH OTHER.
me: aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggh.cannibal fish!
friend: ha!

friend: i'll have to flush this dead fish... 4 or will I just use it to TORTURE her!?
me: aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggh.fish!
friend: ha!

But in the last year, I've been rethinking my fish phobia. Cutting a whole food group out of my life, based on just one bad experience when I was, three5, began to seem unreasonable.

Up until a month ago, the only other times I ate seafood had been:
1. Under duress. An 'orrible ex boyfriend tried to make me eat a sardine. I vomited.
2. While very, very, very drunk. A strange, but nice, elderly Polish man fed me oysters at a friends wedding.
3. In the name of science. Do prawns crackers really taste like prawns?6

But then, when I was in Brisbane, I had dinner with M and tried some of her fish. It wasn't too disgusting.

me: so that's fish?
M: yeah, sorry, i forgot.
me: no, no, it's alright, i hate it, but it doesn't disgust me if someone else is eating it.7
M: i can hardly taste it at all with all the sauce.
me: i've actually been thinking about trying to eat seafood.
M: you should try this – you wouldn't taste it with all the sauce.
me: ok. cut me off a really tiny piece.
M: here.
me: smaller.
M: here.
me: no, smaller.
M: that's tiny.
me: not tiny enough.
M: here.
me: hey! it tastes OK.
M: it tastes like sauce.

So I sought other seafood input.

R, A and A2 said: of course it tastes like fish. all fish tastes like fish. that's why it's fish.
D: you should eat fish, it's really good for you.
C: if you get the stuff with lots of added flavours, you won't taste it at all.
M: tuna sandwiches are good.

Then, on Tuesday night I ate some tuna. Zesty lime with cracked black pepper.

It was OK. It didn't even taste like fish.

It did smell a little like cat food, but I tried hard not to dwell on that.

Later, however...

me: hey I can't believe that fish totally wasn't disgusting!
A: yep.
me: next time one of those fish dies, i'm slapping it on the barbeque!
A: really?
me: no. i still really really hate their googley eyes. why can't science genetically engineer fish without googley eyes?
A: or NO eyes!
me: oh sweet jesus noooooooooooooooooooooooo. blind eyeless fish. that's worse than the axolotyl.
A: ha!

1. Actual tuna. Not a euphemism.
2. I didn't hate everything about the sea. Loathed: salt water, the beach, sunburn, boats, all most seafood and sea life, salt water, brine, the smell of fish, waves, surfers, sunshine, seaweed. Quite liked: pirates, mermaids, coral, sunken treasure, phosphoresce, desert islands, giant turtles (for riding not for eating), and snorkelling.
3. The axolotyl is an abomination.
4. For a while I used the other toilet. I could see the fish returning, all dead and rotting, swimming back up and biting me.
5. When I was very small my parents and grandparents and I went to a seafood restaurant, on our way back from a family drive to the Gold Coast. There was fish stew. My mother put some on her finger and got me to taste it. It was disgusting and I was very upset. All the adults laughed. My mother totally denies that this ever happened. But she got all shifty when I started mentioning details like fairy lights and the outdoor setting. She knows what she did.
6. They do.
7. Not strictly true.